Introduction: Or, Just Me and My Unconscious
At the beginning of the last year that Jess and I spent together, I wrote the following poem:
I have spent seven years
Trying to memorize the contours of your body
Your textures, shapes, and spaces
With my lips and fingers
And the palms of my hand
But no matter how hard I try
I cannot hold you
Cannot kiss you
Cannot recreate you
When you are not here
I have spent seven years
Trying to memorize the sound of your voice
Pitch and timbre, intonation
Seven years spent
With the smell of your hair
And the space at the back of your neck
Seven years
Trying to memorize
The way you look when you are astride me
And the taste of your sweat
Seven years
To recall the way you fit within my arms
When I first get home
And the burst of your laughter when you are delighted
And I am ridiculous
But when you are gone
You’re gone
And I cannot bring you back
Not one part of you
My darling
I am impossible
Without you
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