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A Poem For My Friend Daniel Who Was On My Mind When I Was Walking Home and Missing Him Very Much

He laughs and smiles quickly
the way that people do
when they want you to know,
at the core of your being,
that you’re lovely
and it’s going to be okay.
All of it.
No matter what you say or do.
You’re lovely and it’s going to be okay.
That’s how he smiles at you.

It took me several years before I began to realize
the scale of his pain.
I think I missed it
not because it’s so small
but because it’s so vast
and with pain like that,
what’s a fellow to do?

He had a mother once.
A father once (of sorts).
A wife

just once.

And at night his heart departs his body
and follows deer-tracks to the underworld
Where he wanders like Orpheus, Lynda
Lynda, where are you?
And where am I?
And can it be that I can be where you are not?

His children (of sorts) know that he is wise in the way of fools
who know that wisdom is overrated
so he might as well just sit and listen awhile.
I sit beside him as he doodles.
I watch him paint.
And when we parted at the airport in Los Angeles, I kissed him on the mouth.

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  1. Going thru my “saved poetry” file and found this again. Tonight I’m with Elie in a lonely hotel room near Roslyn Wa. (where tv series Northern Exposure was made) ardently missing Lynda. I try not to weep in front of Elie though because I worry I burden her too much already. I may have to get a second emotional support dog to help carry the load. I tried to watch Tv but this is Trxump country and there are 22 TV evangelist channels on the hotel cable. I watched each one just for a bit before deciding to become a Muslim Sufi. They may be the only ones who can save Jesus from these christians. I hiked a bit of the Pacific Crest Trail today. Have you ever hiked part of it? Maybe a 30 day backpacking trip should be considered? I love being in the mountains more and more. I’m wondering if I could winter by myself this year in a small rustic cabin with no power/phone/net? Lots of folks go to the mountains to find gØd but I know better. Bible is full of terrible stories about what happens in the mountains when gØd gets involved with naive pilgrims.

    Thanks again so much for this poem and your caring friendship for these many years. I dearly hope to meet up soon. And oh how I would love for my heart to be able to wing itself from this body and journey to my beloved as the poem says. Love and blessings, daniel.