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Fourth Meditation on Love

My lovers have always taken from me
And I have always wanted to be taken from
Take from me

I kissed a fella and I didn’t particularly like it
But he did
So we went on kissing awhile
(because I didn’t particularly not like it either)

And the first time I was raped
I was too young to know what it was
My dad’s hairy arms on either side of me
Like the legs of a giant spider

And the first time I fell in love
I didn’t understand that love is a gamble
That people fall out of love
(because I never did)

My lovers have always loved me
And I have always wanted to be loved
Love me

There were times when I loved and times when I lusted
And most times both or at least one
Were enough

And looking back I think there is only one
Lover I treated unfairly
Oh, and also my wife
(who is no longer my wife)

Then a little bird flew into my branches
And whispered something about kindness
Something about gentleness
Something about equality

And I learned about a love that asks questions when it’s uncertain
That shares feelings that are uncomfortable
And that understands that vulnerability
Is so much more than nakedness

I haven’t always loved well
Although I have always loved at least as sincerely
As a person with borderline personality disorder
(I feel! I feel! I feel!)

But today I love
And am loved

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