in Tall Tales

Jesus is my underpants.

[Another brilliant insight from one of the fellows at my work.]
“So, I was at a pretty low point, you know? No where to stay, on a run, I hadn’t slept in four days, and I was going all bi-polar. I was just going crazy, you know? Crazy shit.
So, I have this buddy who lives in one of the S.R.O.s in the eastside, and I figure I’d go visit him because I needed to take a shower, take a shit, and pass out, you know? Well, I show up there and he’s not in yet, so, while I’m waiting for him, it hits me that I really need to shit. Then, before I can do anything about it, it all explodes in my underpants. Anyway, my buddy shows up a little later, and I go clean up, throw out my underpants and crash out.
I was pretty glad I had that pair of underpants. I was wearing the only set of clothes I owned then, and if I didn’t have that pair of underpants, I would have been fucked. I would have had shit all over my pants. I would have had to throw them away, and then I’d just be this crazy guy walking around downtown with no pants on. You can’t walk around with no pants on!
Anyway, I got thinking about it later on, and I started thinking that, Jesus was like my underpants. I mean, my life was shit, everything was fucked up… but it could have been a whole lot worse. Jesus kept all the shit from getting out of control, he was the thin line between thing being messed up and things just being totally fucked beyond repair.
Yeah, Jesus is my underpants.”

Write a Comment